A bird explaining to a hedgehog crossing so it doesn’t die.
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!!! ok but that’s legitimately what it’s doing!! That’s a corvid right there (looks like a hooded crow, to be precise), which means it’s intelligent enough to recognize, a) cars are dangerous and streets should be treated with a certain degree of caution, b) this car’s slowing down for them–cars do that sometimes–which means they’re not in imminent danger, so it doesn’t have to fly away just yet, c) that hedgehog’s still gonna get killed if it doesn’t MOVE, FAST (cars can change speed very quickly and the hedgehog’s still in the way), and almost certainly also d) if the bird does nothing it gets a free lunch.
Y’all, Y’ALL. This bird is consciously deciding to put itself in danger in order to save the life of a very stupid creature. A creature which, if the bird did nothing, could be free food.
i can’t - look if you follow me you know I have a thing for corvids, but this is - like!!! People are always saying “ah yes they have sub-human intelligence and don’t consider anything that isn’t immediately necessary for their own survival/pleasure,” but! Whether or not it can do philosophy, this crow is clearly demonstrating compassion. Even if it’s just the kind of compassion a toddler shows to a snail, a social creature that instinctively recognizes the potential for emotion in other beings, that’s still huge and cool and important and corvids!!! are! neat!!!
They’re incredibly smart! And kind!!!
THERE'S A SEQUEL!
MR. NOODLE
The adventure continues!
Awesome dad is awesome.
Hopefully the mother will get used to it
I'm still waiting for those 2 more
Okay this is so unbelievably cute 😍
I want this so bad 😭
Me at the beginning: 90 seconds! What is that? Two books maybs? Hardly a 'spree'
Me halfway through: oh, oh that time limit was very necessary
Husband enrichment
After the credits of Glass Onion, you KNOW Blanc hopped on the phone like
"Marta, I just - yes, yes, I know, it's late for you - but listen I just - well, if you were going to bed, why did you pick up? - anyway, I just met this AMAZING woman, you HAVE to meet her, Marta she blew up a HOUSE - yes, on purpose - YES, WITH PEOPLE INSIDE, also the Mona Lisa - no, I'm in Greece - Marta, please stop yelling, I'm very tired -"
The ocean is technically a soup since it has meat, vegetables and a salty broth.
my 10 yr high school reunion is coming up in november. does anyone wanna be my fake gf for it. i was super bullied in high school but i'm hot now so i obviously am only going to do lying, crime, and theft.
pros:
- you can design your own character. i love improv games and will go along with whatever bit you desire
- there's an open bar
- you don't know any of these people and i don't care about any of these people, which is the closest either of us will ever get to diplomatic immunity. all bets are off. go hog wild
cons:
- im devastatingly pretty & funny & charming and you will fall in love with me
- some of the adults present will be business majors. i cannot do anything about that im sorry.
- it is a high school reunion, which is the closest either of us will ever get to a nuclear waste site
UPDATES nobody asked for:
I 100% did very much do this with @cryptidfucky. i hang out w/exclusively ne'er-do-wells, nerds, and freaks & all my friends were also EXTREMELY on board with this plan. their help ended up being crucial tbh i love them
Here are the results:
- more people "recognized" alex than recognized me, their actual classmate. i found that to be extremely funny
- literally changed our story per group of people we were talking to. i don't think anyone noticed.
- i got to pretend i did not recognize my high school bully which was both cathartic and also very sexy of me
- everyone was nice now that i'm hot. however, now that i'm old, i realized i really don't care if these people like me... which was even more sexy of me
- my friends are all absolute heroes. i owe them my life. kisses and kisses and kisses
- people absolutely bought the story.
highlights include people who texted me about them:
and this one. i need to stress - i did not actually speak directly to the person who "knew" alex. we did not find that person in the crowd. my friends were just working overtime for me. god bless them.
other results include:
- several of my friends are now bringing friends on fake!dates with them to holiday events just for mischief
- i am going to my office party with a straight friend of mine just so i don't have to be alone and she gets a break from her family
- we now have a rotating cast of single people all now fake dating just to literally not have to worry about being alone at bad things
summary of data:
- fake date ur friends. you're doing damage to the american isolationist ideal that only partners should be invited to events bc only romantic love "matters" or "counts"
- it's also fucking funny as hell . cannot recommend it enough
I love my new @lucyandyak dungarees so much. My first ethically made piece of clothing!
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bynz8onnuE3/?igshid=1jnscxml1pr3w